Imagine if that was Luke's response. No--the nice thing about this week is that it's also affection week, so as the memory ends, he just reaches out and pulls her into a hug.]
[YOU KNOW THE WAY I'M NOT SURE BUT HIS VA'S NAME IS ON THE LIST OF ADDITIONAL VOICES AND NOW I CAN'T BE SURE IT ISN'T DILUC'S VA
this one is the worst out of all of them - it's claude, and everything he is, and how horrifying it was to be told that she escaped her cage just long enough to find that it was preordained, that she was always supposed to end up there. to be called a seed, to know that her mother ended up here. that it was her responsibility to end this cycle when all she wanted was to see the world without the weight of poison around her neck. she's the daughter of something dark and horrific, the result of a powerful man who did not accept a no.
but even more than that, it's a confession. weeks ago, she'd lied to him, and said that she hadn't systematically killed every blacksnake that opposed her to get to where she is. pirro, mother, father. for all that sora reminds her of mother, she might as well put her on that list too.
and so when she comes out of it, she's frightened - because luke didn't want her to make a choice she regretted, and she told him that she wouldn't - because she'd already done it. and she doesn't regret it. not even for a second. but.
he hugs her, and she stiffens, tense. and then very, very slowly rests her head on his shoulder and lets him.]
[He can feel her stiffen, and he's prepared--after all, watching her from afar is not nearly the same thing as being around to see her change himself, and he remembers the violence with which she'd pushed back against him in the beginning.
But it's reassuring to feel her lose that tension anyway--to know that she can bring herself back to the present, if only enough to remember that she's safer now. That she's no longer in that room, that the blood on her hands, while permanent, is an old stain.
He doesn't speak for a little while, simply holding her close. But, eventually--]
You didn't deserve that.
[To be put in that position, where there was no way out. He won't tell her that she had no choice, or that she was right to do any of it. But more than anything, his heart aches for the help she never received, the freedom that she had no choice but to fight for.]
[she's quiet for a minute, working through it. and then, finally:]
... No, I didn't. [she says, soft. sometimes she has trouble believing that, but these days it's a little easier. these days, someone tells her that she didn't deserve the childhood she had, and she can accept it, think that it was horrific to put a six year old through something like that.
she doesn't feel sorry for herself. she is who she is and nothing can change that. but she can take someone telling her that life shouldn't have been that way for her with grace.]
Thank you.
[for caring, even if she thinks she's irredeemable. deserve or no, she knows she's not a good person.]
[He is!! Not Buzen levels, but nobody is Buzen levels...
He did, however, notice her missing collar--a hard thing not to notice, though he would have anyway, even if it were subtle. It's a little too much to touch her neck, so he gently rubs her back instead.
He hasn't lived her life. He didn't go through the things she went through. But... in a sense, he understands her perspective. He's spent so long focused on the countdown to the end of his life, the hangman's noose tightening around his neck day by day. It's not so much that he feels bereft with the potential of his life back in his hands, but--it's a very strange thing to adjust to.]
...I think there's more to freedom than taking off your shackles. [He says, finally.] Learning what you want--that's just as important.
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Imagine if that was Luke's response. No--the nice thing about this week is that it's also affection week, so as the memory ends, he just reaches out and pulls her into a hug.]
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this one is the worst out of all of them - it's claude, and everything he is, and how horrifying it was to be told that she escaped her cage just long enough to find that it was preordained, that she was always supposed to end up there. to be called a seed, to know that her mother ended up here. that it was her responsibility to end this cycle when all she wanted was to see the world without the weight of poison around her neck. she's the daughter of something dark and horrific, the result of a powerful man who did not accept a no.
but even more than that, it's a confession. weeks ago, she'd lied to him, and said that she hadn't systematically killed every blacksnake that opposed her to get to where she is. pirro, mother, father. for all that sora reminds her of mother, she might as well put her on that list too.
and so when she comes out of it, she's frightened - because luke didn't want her to make a choice she regretted, and she told him that she wouldn't - because she'd already done it. and she doesn't regret it. not even for a second. but.
he hugs her, and she stiffens, tense. and then very, very slowly rests her head on his shoulder and lets him.]
no subject
But it's reassuring to feel her lose that tension anyway--to know that she can bring herself back to the present, if only enough to remember that she's safer now. That she's no longer in that room, that the blood on her hands, while permanent, is an old stain.
He doesn't speak for a little while, simply holding her close. But, eventually--]
You didn't deserve that.
[To be put in that position, where there was no way out. He won't tell her that she had no choice, or that she was right to do any of it. But more than anything, his heart aches for the help she never received, the freedom that she had no choice but to fight for.]
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... No, I didn't. [she says, soft. sometimes she has trouble believing that, but these days it's a little easier. these days, someone tells her that she didn't deserve the childhood she had, and she can accept it, think that it was horrific to put a six year old through something like that.
she doesn't feel sorry for herself. she is who she is and nothing can change that. but she can take someone telling her that life shouldn't have been that way for her with grace.]
Thank you.
[for caring, even if she thinks she's irredeemable. deserve or no, she knows she's not a good person.]
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(It's more than he can do for himself. Even now, he feels like he's living on borrowed time.)
He'll hug for as long as she seems to want it; if she doesn't pull away, he won't either.]
What will you do now? [After everything's said and done, he means, because thinking that they'll all die serves no one]
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she thinks about that, eyes closed, and then:]
... I don't know. [she says, finally.] I'm a little afraid I won't want anything when I go back.
[when your entire life is spent chasing a goal, and you reach that goal - what do you do? isn't that it? there's an after, but...]
no subject
He did, however, notice her missing collar--a hard thing not to notice, though he would have anyway, even if it were subtle. It's a little too much to touch her neck, so he gently rubs her back instead.
He hasn't lived her life. He didn't go through the things she went through. But... in a sense, he understands her perspective. He's spent so long focused on the countdown to the end of his life, the hangman's noose tightening around his neck day by day. It's not so much that he feels bereft with the potential of his life back in his hands, but--it's a very strange thing to adjust to.]
...I think there's more to freedom than taking off your shackles. [He says, finally.] Learning what you want--that's just as important.